Friday, 28 September 2012

I've Said This Before But...

I have to bite the bullet and say that when it comes to food and dieting I rarely remain a woman of my word. I have been so up and down emotionally that it seems anything I can place my hands on gets thrown in my mouth down my gusset and into my stomach. and thighs. and buttocks. (and boobs).

Like seriously everyone has noticed that my boobs have pretty much doubled in size over 3 months!! like I can no longer wear the bras I own I have taken my measurements the other day which are alarming!! So I shall pop them in a spreadsheet at some point and also put them on this site when I can.

Anyhu what I was trying to get at was that a while ago I attempted to do the cambridge weight loss plan and totally bombed because half the shit I spent money on tasted like crap but I did technically shed a few pounds. I've decided to embark on something slightly different but really its under the umbrella of the same products just this time by a company called CelebritySlim for you UK slimmers out there who are interested it is cheaper by far to order direct. So thus far I have ordered shakes, meal bars, soups and snack bars which I hope to use alongside huge amounts of water to get rid of at least 30 pounds. Now, I'm not saying I will lose all the weight in this way but I am of the opinion that I cant begin to think about eating healthily and undertaking strenuous exercise until my body is at least within a healthy limit. My weight since passing the 190 mark has become a true physical burden and I know its to blame for my weakening joints an more and more muscle and back ache I get after one or two days work. Once I get down to simply being overweight rather than obese or even morbidly obese I can truly tackle wider issues like eating habits, emotional issues or bodyshape.

That's how I see it anyway... what do y'all think??

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Furious With My Boyfriend

I can't even be bothered to go into all the details of what the hell is going on with us but he has a terrible attitude and refuses to acknowledge when he's wrong. Like he's the type of guy that simply says sorry because he thinks that's what you want to hear.

Lately I've found out a lot that maybe I would have rather not about this man I once thought I loved.... He has an obsession with girls liking him like seriously I think it partly comes from him knowing how "technically" good looking I am (without wanting to sound conceited of course) but also he knows my last couple of exes were good looking and in shape. He has a pot belly which has probably made being with him so much easier - so much so I have literally put on a ton of weight. Well this young man though supposedly fully committed to me (HA) likes to trawl through his phone and try to start conversations with girls that quite frankly shouldn't even still be in his phone. I caught him tell a girl he just met and was working with two months ago that he was missing her smile (a comment I thought he reserved for me) and this girl who he like tries to get in her pants but couldn't as shes a virgin waiting for marriage he is always trying to speak to and like from what I gathered she rarely replies but he went so far as to add her on instagram!! so he can jus leer at her whenever he likes. The more I think about it the more I hate him it's like he is desperately trying to forge relationships with these girls who kno he has a girlfriend so don't even care. What else explains his obsession with commenting on all these girls photos and saying inappropriate things.

He makes me want to cheat; screw him over before he does me. Show him how it's really fucking done I am better than him in every way and he should be busy cherishing and appreciating the shit I do for him not wasting time on girls that don't care. I have so much rage within me and its just my motivation. I am going to lose soo much weight get sooo much hotter and prettier go out much more get my degree get a great job and fucking move on. And this guy will still be in the same place. All in all this ones not going to be able to hold onto me!


End Rant.


Monday, 24 September 2012

Grey Skies

It is soooo disgustingly grey and dreary in the UK right now like come on all over the world people can still go out and get a tan . . . but over here in miserable London im having to think about getting a new fucking winter coat BECAUSE I'M 20 POUNDS HEAVIER THAN LAST WINTER

Anyways, i'm the sort of person who loves watching hood drama shows like LA Basketball wives,  Love and Hip Hop and my newly found obsession - BAD GIRLS CLUB! Anyone out there as obsessed with it as me?? I don't know I just feel like I really am a bad girl at heart (you dont even know...) and I just love the drama AND it is so chock full of thinspiring chicks that remind me how fucking great my life could be if I just drop this mountain of weight I carry around. Like it is my 22nd birthday in exactly 2 months and next year me and my friends have planned trips to miami and amsterdam. I am such a lardo right now I dont even wana talk about that aspect. Im currently watching season 6 of bad girls and this bitch Ashley King is my total fave, I think she's real pretty and I actually do resemble her slightly (ok very slightly but my boyfriend thinks it!)

If I had to guess I would say she's like a size 2 or a 4 at the most (US) her boobs are fake though but generally her body is so stunning.

Moving on to the not so stunning (me) I did say i'd post a photo of myself on here so you guys can see the shocking reality of how large i am. Apologies if I cause anyone to hysterically vomit or blackout ... i'm gross

Forgive the pretty lame photo I took a quick snap whilst helping out at my friend's shop. Yup I am crazy fat :( I have two months to get just a little slimmer for damns sake. I'm a dress size 16/18 at the moment btw so US 12/14 and you can see how top heavy I am!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Slim Day Three

And I'm 208.8 pounds
And just had a huge argument with the boy. One of these days I'll explain on here what the deal is with us but for now I simply can't be bothered. I can't wait to exercise to the death and sweat out all my anger and frustration just waiting for mr man to f**k off out the house!

Toodles xxx

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Cant Sleep

Me and the boy had quite the argument and he basically admitted he wants for me to be slimmer of course he pretends that it wont make him love me more and its just because he wants to see me happy. Euuurrgh WhatEver.

Anyways I have touched up my Goals page as my original first goal weight of 179pounds feels sooo far away. Anyways the things on the list I seriously like SERIOUSLY have to save for anyways as its full of designer goodies and large purchases. For instance, I am tres desperate to own my own car but this is something else that will give me a lil more debt and so to even consider it I must be at least 155pounds before stepping foot on a car lot.

looking at loser town and entering the following stats: Female, 21 years, 66 inches tall, 211.6 pounds, eating 1000 cals daily and being moderately active: 3-5 times a week, put me at these values each week til christmas....

DayWeightCalories UsedYour Calorie Deficit

So next Tuesday i'd be on target if i'm 208.7 pounds. I'll use these weekly values as my target. Hopefully I can smash it! I have two days off of work 3 actually as I plan on pulling a sicky on friday ojoso tomorrow I will be doing at least two hours worth of exercise dvds, housework other errands etc and hopefully I could even hit that target on friday morning. It would be tres awesome. This calculator from the oh-so-awesome actually puts me at 177 pounds for my birthday... hmm yh i refuse to be that weight by then. Lo we'll see how it goes, pictures and current measurements will be up tomorrow or day after.


Slim Day Two

I put the "slim" in front because I must have had a gazillion 'day two' titled posts. But watevas today I caved a lil bt I guess I will c later wat damage has been done. Woke up weighed myself and I was 209.6 (yesterday I was 211.6) to be honest I can't be too excited because the night before I was quite congested and my scales or maybe my body in general is in love with number 209.6.

Fuck you scales I refuse to see this stinking number again.

So today I've had the same warm salad nacho thing I had yesterday at work. It's on a small plate and really scrumptious without leaving me too full. I also *lowers head* ate a chocolate cup cake. Dnt. Even. Ask. Came home and had some chicken stew with a pinch of rice like 4hours ago and not enough water today but I'll rectify that before falling asleep. A mug of slimming tea and your blogs yum yum. Talk to you soon xx

Monday, 10 September 2012

I can't believe my life right now....

Things just aren't going right but at the moment there is just no use dwelling on it. Even my boyfriend now knows of the troubles I have with food and weight loss. I told him to help me as I need to lose 12kg (when really I need to lose 30 or so YUCK) so if he ever sees me eating past 8 or something greasy or fried to tell me stop.

And so follows 5 nights of him asking "should you be eating that" or "are you sure? It's past 8..." and I'm just like "I hate myself enough already and have to much shit going on, please leave me the FUCK alone" so yea, no marital bliss for us at the moment....

I don't know why I feel eating solves anything when the only thing it does is create more problems. I feel myself getting huger and grosser and all I can do is watch, stuff my face then cry. Well no more today I begin my true quest for thin as at this moment in time all my other problems - mum, uni, finances etc can sort themselves out in due course. I must lose weight NOW with a bmi of 34.1 I am officially obese - in the uk anyway and I need to be at a bmi of 19 ASAP. I will honestly try to post each day but the rules are to eat only a minuscule amount as little as possible. Lots of water and my slimming pills.

I'm trying so hard to get to a me I love as its all that counts right, that I truly love myself. As alway I look to all of you on here for support and inspiration. I am literally reading all your blogs from like July times so forgive me for not commenting im just trying to catch up. I've decided to post some pictures of me at this weight so as to keep track and shame myself into looking better soon! I will also change my goal weights and rewards lists as I have selfishly bought myself the majority of things on that list. Today I had a tiny plate of nachos with sour cream and salsa and loads of salad- a sprinkle of cheese mind you but I won't be eating again today. Thus far I've had my 4 slimb bomb pills and a litre of water.

Love you always, again thanks for still being here ... J x

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Day 3

Super fast update...

Yesterday morning I weighed 209.2 pounds and today I am 208.2 seems like a good start especially since thus far I've only changed my eating habits and haven't actually started exercising more.

Anyways if I'm able to keep up this minimal 1pound a day of weightloss by the end of the month I should be 182 which is quite a lot less fat and gross!

On diet pills- I have been taking my slimb bombs but only the two on the morning, due to work I always seem to forget to take the afternoon one which has to be taken before 4due to all the caffeine. But in spite of this I have seen a difference in my appetite and levels of consumption, ordinarily I would finish everything before me even if I was already stuffed but today I was completely unable to Continue eating after a few bites. Methinks its working!

Anyhu gotta rush, lunch break over!