Monday, 10 September 2012

I can't believe my life right now....

Things just aren't going right but at the moment there is just no use dwelling on it. Even my boyfriend now knows of the troubles I have with food and weight loss. I told him to help me as I need to lose 12kg (when really I need to lose 30 or so YUCK) so if he ever sees me eating past 8 or something greasy or fried to tell me stop.

And so follows 5 nights of him asking "should you be eating that" or "are you sure? It's past 8..." and I'm just like "I hate myself enough already and have to much shit going on, please leave me the FUCK alone" so yea, no marital bliss for us at the moment....

I don't know why I feel eating solves anything when the only thing it does is create more problems. I feel myself getting huger and grosser and all I can do is watch, stuff my face then cry. Well no more today I begin my true quest for thin as at this moment in time all my other problems - mum, uni, finances etc can sort themselves out in due course. I must lose weight NOW with a bmi of 34.1 I am officially obese - in the uk anyway and I need to be at a bmi of 19 ASAP. I will honestly try to post each day but the rules are to eat only a minuscule amount as little as possible. Lots of water and my slimming pills.

I'm trying so hard to get to a me I love as its all that counts right, that I truly love myself. As alway I look to all of you on here for support and inspiration. I am literally reading all your blogs from like July times so forgive me for not commenting im just trying to catch up. I've decided to post some pictures of me at this weight so as to keep track and shame myself into looking better soon! I will also change my goal weights and rewards lists as I have selfishly bought myself the majority of things on that list. Today I had a tiny plate of nachos with sour cream and salsa and loads of salad- a sprinkle of cheese mind you but I won't be eating again today. Thus far I've had my 4 slimb bomb pills and a litre of water.

Love you always, again thanks for still being here ... J x

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