I was doing so well ...

I hate to even say it but I lost 5 pounds since tuesday . . .

Then put on a few pounds,

And now I'm 212 pounds again.

Diet wise what better day to re-commit myself to weight loss and declare clean eating and more exercise than a monday?!? I really enjoy the celebrity slim shakes bars and soups they are seriously the most delicious thing but my only downfall this past week has been getting legless drunk twice like two sets of hangovers, two nights out where I was so wasted I would down any food offered to me.

But no more, I sense an honest change I really think and hope I can lose 22 pounds MINIMUM in 23 days (so by the end of October). If i can be 190 by end of October I don't see why I couldn't be 175 by my birthday (November 24th).

Anyways in other news, I recently found out that the man I love and am currently living with - my boyfriend is not all he claims, in fact it led to one of my drunken nights. When we got together we promised we'd tell each other everything about our pasts so there would be no surprises. We had been good friends and lovers on off for 6 years by then so I just ASSUMED he was telling the truth ... WRONG. The lesson to be learned here is all men lie, and not even little missable white lies all out lies about when they last saw there exes or whether they did or didn't have a key to the flat you claim they never even set foot in... pfft WHATEVER.

I wont babble on. I am all about me right now, I will work hard on my body and he can work hard on TRYING to keep me, silly pig.

Laters dolls,
J
xxx

And so it begins...

I woke up this morning at a whopping 213.6 pounds. Bad news.

I had a crazy bingefest at like 2 in the morning due to being at work through the night and all this crazy food was provided.

Good news - my celebrity slim pack has arrived and I've had my strawberry milkshake for breakfast this morning and will be having a meal replacement bar for lunch with lots and lots and LOTS of water. Dinner I haven't decided yet so yeah.

It's October and I feel realistically I should try and lose like 30pounds.. So hopefully 180-185 at the end of October. Really need to exercise as well Anyhu off I go to uni!

Laters x

I've Said This Before But...

I have to bite the bullet and say that when it comes to food and dieting I rarely remain a woman of my word. I have been so up and down emotionally that it seems anything I can place my hands on gets thrown in my mouth down my gusset and into my stomach. and thighs. and buttocks. (and boobs).

Like seriously everyone has noticed that my boobs have pretty much doubled in size over 3 months!! like I can no longer wear the bras I own I have taken my measurements the other day which are alarming!! So I shall pop them in a spreadsheet at some point and also put them on this site when I can.

Anyhu what I was trying to get at was that a while ago I attempted to do the cambridge weight loss plan and totally bombed because half the shit I spent money on tasted like crap but I did technically shed a few pounds. I've decided to embark on something slightly different but really its under the umbrella of the same products just this time by a company called CelebritySlim for you UK slimmers out there who are interested it is cheaper by far to order direct. So thus far I have ordered shakes, meal bars, soups and snack bars which I hope to use alongside huge amounts of water to get rid of at least 30 pounds. Now, I'm not saying I will lose all the weight in this way but I am of the opinion that I cant begin to think about eating healthily and undertaking strenuous exercise until my body is at least within a healthy limit. My weight since passing the 190 mark has become a true physical burden and I know its to blame for my weakening joints an more and more muscle and back ache I get after one or two days work. Once I get down to simply being overweight rather than obese or even morbidly obese I can truly tackle wider issues like eating habits, emotional issues or bodyshape.

That's how I see it anyway... what do y'all think??

Furious With My Boyfriend

I can't even be bothered to go into all the details of what the hell is going on with us but he has a terrible attitude and refuses to acknowledge when he's wrong. Like he's the type of guy that simply says sorry because he thinks that's what you want to hear.

Lately I've found out a lot that maybe I would have rather not about this man I once thought I loved.... He has an obsession with girls liking him like seriously I think it partly comes from him knowing how "technically" good looking I am (without wanting to sound conceited of course) but also he knows my last couple of exes were good looking and in shape. He has a pot belly which has probably made being with him so much easier - so much so I have literally put on a ton of weight. Well this young man though supposedly fully committed to me (HA) likes to trawl through his phone and try to start conversations with girls that quite frankly shouldn't even still be in his phone. I caught him tell a girl he just met and was working with two months ago that he was missing her smile (a comment I thought he reserved for me) and this girl who he like tries to get in her pants but couldn't as shes a virgin waiting for marriage he is always trying to speak to and like from what I gathered she rarely replies but he went so far as to add her on instagram!! so he can jus leer at her whenever he likes. The more I think about it the more I hate him it's like he is desperately trying to forge relationships with these girls who kno he has a girlfriend so don't even care. What else explains his obsession with commenting on all these girls photos and saying inappropriate things.

He makes me want to cheat; screw him over before he does me. Show him how it's really fucking done I am better than him in every way and he should be busy cherishing and appreciating the shit I do for him not wasting time on girls that don't care. I have so much rage within me and its just my motivation. I am going to lose soo much weight get sooo much hotter and prettier go out much more get my degree get a great job and fucking move on. And this guy will still be in the same place. All in all this ones not going to be able to hold onto me!

#ThatIsAll

End Rant.

J
xxx

Grey Skies

It is soooo disgustingly grey and dreary in the UK right now like come on all over the world people can still go out and get a tan . . . but over here in miserable London im having to think about getting a new fucking winter coat BECAUSE I'M 20 POUNDS HEAVIER THAN LAST WINTER fuck.my.life.

Anyways, i'm the sort of person who loves watching hood drama shows like LA Basketball wives,  Love and Hip Hop and my newly found obsession - BAD GIRLS CLUB! Anyone out there as obsessed with it as me?? I don't know I just feel like I really am a bad girl at heart (you dont even know...) and I just love the drama AND it is so chock full of thinspiring chicks that remind me how fucking great my life could be if I just drop this mountain of weight I carry around. Like it is my 22nd birthday in exactly 2 months and next year me and my friends have planned trips to miami and amsterdam. I am such a lardo right now I dont even wana talk about that aspect. Im currently watching season 6 of bad girls and this bitch Ashley King is my total fave, I think she's real pretty and I actually do resemble her slightly (ok very slightly but my boyfriend thinks it!)

If I had to guess I would say she's like a size 2 or a 4 at the most (US) her boobs are fake though but generally her body is so stunning.

Moving on to the not so stunning (me) I did say i'd post a photo of myself on here so you guys can see the shocking reality of how large i am. Apologies if I cause anyone to hysterically vomit or blackout ... i'm gross
                             
                                     

Forgive the pretty lame photo I took a quick snap whilst helping out at my friend's shop. Yup I am crazy fat :( I have two months to get just a little slimmer for damns sake. I'm a dress size 16/18 at the moment btw so US 12/14 and you can see how top heavy I am!

Slim Day Three

And I'm 208.8 pounds
And just had a huge argument with the boy. One of these days I'll explain on here what the deal is with us but for now I simply can't be bothered. I can't wait to exercise to the death and sweat out all my anger and frustration just waiting for mr man to f**k off out the house!

Toodles xxx

Cant Sleep

Me and the boy had quite the argument and he basically admitted he wants for me to be slimmer of course he pretends that it wont make him love me more and its just because he wants to see me happy. Euuurrgh WhatEver.

Anyways I have touched up my Goals page as my original first goal weight of 179pounds feels sooo far away. Anyways the things on the list I seriously like SERIOUSLY have to save for anyways as its full of designer goodies and large purchases. For instance, I am tres desperate to own my own car but this is something else that will give me a lil more debt and so to even consider it I must be at least 155pounds before stepping foot on a car lot.

looking at loser town and entering the following stats: Female, 21 years, 66 inches tall, 211.6 pounds, eating 1000 cals daily and being moderately active: 3-5 times a week, put me at these values each week til christmas....

Day	Weight	Calories Used	Your Calorie Deficit
09/18/2012	208.69	2683.19	1683.19
09/25/2012	205.35	2659.64	1659.64
10/02/2012	202.05	2636.42	1636.42
10/09/2012	198.8	2613.52	1613.52
10/16/2012	195.59	2590.94	1590.94
10/23/2012	192.43	2568.68	1568.68
10/30/2012	189.31	2546.73	1546.73
11/06/2012	186.23	2525.09	1525.09
11/13/2012	183.2	2503.75	1503.75
11/20/2012	180.21	2482.71	1482.71
11/27/2012	177.26	2461.97	1461.97
12/04/2012	174.36	2441.51	1441.51
12/11/2012	171.49	2421.34	1421.34
12/18/2012	168.67	2401.45	1401.45
12/25/2012	165.88	2381.84	1381.84

So next Tuesday i'd be on target if i'm 208.7 pounds. I'll use these weekly values as my target. Hopefully I can smash it! I have two days off of work 3 actually as I plan on pulling a sicky on friday ojoso tomorrow I will be doing at least two hours worth of exercise dvds, housework other errands etc and hopefully I could even hit that target on friday morning. It would be tres awesome. This calculator from the oh-so-awesome Losertown.org actually puts me at 177 pounds for my birthday... hmm yh i refuse to be that weight by then. Lo we'll see how it goes, pictures and current measurements will be up tomorrow or day after.

LOVE LOVE
xxXxXxx

Slim Day Two

I put the "slim" in front because I must have had a gazillion 'day two' titled posts. But watevas today I caved a lil bt I guess I will c later wat damage has been done. Woke up weighed myself and I was 209.6 (yesterday I was 211.6) to be honest I can't be too excited because the night before I was quite congested and my scales or maybe my body in general is in love with number 209.6.

Fuck you scales I refuse to see this stinking number again.

So today I've had the same warm salad nacho thing I had yesterday at work. It's on a small plate and really scrumptious without leaving me too full. I also *lowers head* ate a chocolate cup cake. Dnt. Even. Ask. Came home and had some chicken stew with a pinch of rice like 4hours ago and not enough water today but I'll rectify that before falling asleep. A mug of slimming tea and your blogs yum yum. Talk to you soon xx

I can't believe my life right now....

Things just aren't going right but at the moment there is just no use dwelling on it. Even my boyfriend now knows of the troubles I have with food and weight loss. I told him to help me as I need to lose 12kg (when really I need to lose 30 or so YUCK) so if he ever sees me eating past 8 or something greasy or fried to tell me stop.

And so follows 5 nights of him asking "should you be eating that" or "are you sure? It's past 8..." and I'm just like "I hate myself enough already and have to much shit going on, please leave me the FUCK alone" so yea, no marital bliss for us at the moment....

I don't know why I feel eating solves anything when the only thing it does is create more problems. I feel myself getting huger and grosser and all I can do is watch, stuff my face then cry. Well no more today I begin my true quest for thin as at this moment in time all my other problems - mum, uni, finances etc can sort themselves out in due course. I must lose weight NOW with a bmi of 34.1 I am officially obese - in the uk anyway and I need to be at a bmi of 19 ASAP. I will honestly try to post each day but the rules are to eat only a minuscule amount as little as possible. Lots of water and my slimming pills.

I'm trying so hard to get to a me I love as its all that counts right, that I truly love myself. As alway I look to all of you on here for support and inspiration. I am literally reading all your blogs from like July times so forgive me for not commenting im just trying to catch up. I've decided to post some pictures of me at this weight so as to keep track and shame myself into looking better soon! I will also change my goal weights and rewards lists as I have selfishly bought myself the majority of things on that list. Today I had a tiny plate of nachos with sour cream and salsa and loads of salad- a sprinkle of cheese mind you but I won't be eating again today. Thus far I've had my 4 slimb bomb pills and a litre of water.

Love you always, again thanks for still being here ... J x

Day 3

Super fast update...

Yesterday morning I weighed 209.2 pounds and today I am 208.2 seems like a good start especially since thus far I've only changed my eating habits and haven't actually started exercising more.

Anyways if I'm able to keep up this minimal 1pound a day of weightloss by the end of the month I should be 182 which is quite a lot less fat and gross!

On diet pills- I have been taking my slimb bombs but only the two on the morning, due to work I always seem to forget to take the afternoon one which has to be taken before 4due to all the caffeine. But in spite of this I have seen a difference in my appetite and levels of consumption, ordinarily I would finish everything before me even if I was already stuffed but today I was completely unable to Continue eating after a few bites. Methinks its working!

Anyhu gotta rush, lunch break over!
Kisses
X

My BMR is 1793.05 so based on this I will put my daily calorie target at 1293 and aim for an additional spend through exercise of at least 500.

IT'S

ABOUT

TIME

I

GET

FUCKING

THIN!!!!!

After all, They all did it. Why can't I??

xxx

Grief

I am a fat lard ass still.

I am trying so hard to change the frame of mind that I am in.

I am so sorry I haven't really read many of your blogs and definitely haven't commented.

I have decided that I have been really foolish in trying to fast track my way to skinny doing every other diet in the book for like 2-3days and then panicking when I actually see goos results and reneging  on the whole thing. Anyway no more. If I had steadily lost 2 pounds a week since starting this blog I would have been at my goal weight LAST SUMMER. The point, without rambling is I need to literally stop eating for pleasure and only open my mouth to put food in it when my stomach has been emptied of all content. And start exercising.

Desperate measures has caused me to let a handful of people at my workplace no that I do actually want to lose weight - something I never EVER do as I feel it simply draws people into the fact that I am a hugely obese monster. Oh yeah and highlights the fact that i'm failing at my weight loss attempts.

Anyway it started quite a conversation where I let everyone know of my expansive fitness dvd collection and even made a statement that I would do the 30-day shred dvd from gillian micheals for a week AT LEAST. So i'm off to do that now or i'll end up not doing it! Diet wise I haven't decided what i'm doing but i'll let y'all know later on.

WISH ME LUCK,

Starting weight 210.2 pounds

The thing about me is...

I procrastinate unlike any other.

I allow those who call themselves friends to use me.

I don't finish what I start.

I often tend to loathe myself due to all of the above.

IN OTHER NEWS...

I have bought a bunch of baby food jars and am thus starting my real diet today- I will be booking my holiday to Tenerife, Spain next week and can't believe I will be doing so at this grand size of 213 pounds.

On this wednesday the 27th, I passed my Practical Driving Test!!! very proud of myself having taken it   a total of 5 times :( but it's one thing out of the way- concentrating on weight loss 100%.

Well may have to make it 99.9% as I have still not applied to university! AAAARRGHH the person who is writing my reference essentially wants me to write it for her, which I cant find the time to do, I have though finshed my personal statement which was ssooooo hard to write. Also I have managed to save enough funds to make the minimum deposit in order to finance my education for this year. So no problems there I will be paying £9000 over 4 instalments and have thus far managed to raise £2600!

I am going to work now, post, read and comment later.

LOVE LOVE

xxx

Summer Will be Here

...Apparently.

Who knows?

The laws of physics (in my opinion, or in a world where physics doesnt relate to honest science lol) states that we are supposed to experience 4 seasons. I mean maybe not states, but leads us to conclude... Other nations seem to do it without any prompting but here in the oh-so-United Kingdom we do things differently. The meteorologists in this country like everyone else may be undperpaid who knows, all I know is there job seems to be that of waking up hours earlier what we do and telling us what may happen during that day and what could happen in the week to come (and then going on to wake up the following mornings, come to work and tell us the exact opposite of earlier given information). I've been promised sun but yet to see it for a period of time greater than an hour fifteen minutes.

The point is I live in London and I have a cold, on this morning of June 16th. I am ANNOYED especially as it's 5:30 am and I have been unwillingly awake for 2hours now due to bouts of sneezes- and of course I have work today, so would prefer to be asleep thank you very much!!

About the Job!! I am so excited like absolutely thrilled to be working at Harrods!! it literally adds so much to my quality of life and inspires me to grow as a person (not physically of course o_0 ) and really develop my own personality and image. In plain, it inspires me to look like this:

As opposed to this...

I aim to be effortlessly chic and a go-to role model for elegance. And I will make it happen.

(we'll just forget about my having had MacDonalds for both lunch and dinner yesterday)

For those who like fashion and happen to watch Revenge- which is toooo awesome :) I have recently stumbled upon one of the lead character's fashion blogs. Her name is Ashley Madekwe, and her character name in the series is also Ashley, her blog Ring My Bell can be found here.

For those who care I have updated my rewards list here as being the huge entitled lard ass that I am I bought myself pretty much all of the rewards without hitting the goals X_X anyways not this time around, I will much stricter with myself, and in ernest I should be spending £0 as despite winning the lottery I have to scratch together a living to clear my bad credit name ie pay debts and still sustain my life! I am reading allll your blogs and will try and comment more MWAH xxx

I WON!!

Today I won the national lottery - Euromillions:

A large sum of £2.70! o_0

AWSOMENESS HAHA 

Can You Say... FAIL

So the fail here is not for dieting which I think I'm doing ok in, but for my practical driving test which 4th time I dramatically failed with a serious in . . . get this . . . THE LAST 20 SECONDS. I failed pulling up the drive on the way back to the test centre. WHATEVER I am not going to talk about that. FULL STOP.

In other news, I GOT THE HARRODS JOB. I soo didnt think I had it I told Victoria Secrets I would work with them... AAARRGGGHH!! I can't believe I have gone from jobless to two incredible job opportunities! I felt to not take the Harrods job because when I went to my store approval I had this feeling of amazement that a pig as fat as I could even be allowed in the place, watching all the could-be-models walking about the place I assumed that I didn't have it. But I did and I DO and they accepted me into their world so this just the drive I need to shed this gross weight and become the beautiful THIN salesperson I know I can be.

In weight loss/dieting: I've decided to take each day as it comes and sort of loosely follow the LTD diet but with the goal of staying UNDER the daily calorie limits. I know how some of you feel about starving/fasting etc and how it slows the metabolism but as far as im concerned if you're ove 200 pounds with a bmi of 30-something there is NO WAY you will not lose weight if you stop eating. No possible way! so yeah i need to drop 30 pounds to start with, like right now (or ASAP haha).

I am now following lots more blogs and I so enjoy being in this world with this common interest which helps us all stay motivated. but some of you seem to have blogs which can't be followed?!? Anyhu hope you're all having a good day, despite my bad start with the test fail I'm feeling GOOOD!

Love ya xx

Diet and Strategy

Ok so today is the 8th of June, and a Friday- an unconventional day to start a new diet plan, but that's my motive. I cannot pretend I will be able to haul ass every single day and do hours and hours of exercise so if I'm not burning off the cals I need to make sure i'm restricting the amount of cals I throw into my belly.

I love strategy - to me it means control and it gives me a limit which I know I shouldn't be flying over. I will be dieting the rest of this month to see if I can race down to 195 pounds (which I can't believe I'm saying) In 23 days- from now til the 30th June, I don't see any reason why I can't leave 15 pounds since I have now let myself explode to 210 pounds. AbSoLuTeLy RiDiCuLoUs. S the diet I will be doing... The  Live Thin Diet (LTD): The calories are as follows and rules beneath.

Rules:

1) MUST NOT consume any of the following- red meat (bacon, beef, pork), chocolate, sweets, cakes, pastries, biscuits, ice cream etc, chips, takeaways, non-diet fizzy drinks, full fat beverages

2) Absolutely MUST stick to daily caloric goals, if exceeded deduct amount of calories over from the next few days.

3) MUST do at least an hour of exercise each day

I aim to do this and have a great weigh in on June 30th (day 23) if I reach my goal of 195 I see no reason not to continue on for a further week and finish it completely. 

Today is Day ONE (of the rest of my life)

Fatty Fatty Fatso

210.8 pounds??

210.8 POUNDS!!!

49% Fat Percentage

The Obesity is RIDICULOUS and the starving must begin!

p.s. desperately catching up on all y'all blogs.
Love love xxx

*EDIT*

Just went back and read Rio's wonderfully motivational comment on a post. Thanks gurrl I luv ya and on that note I shall get me to my living room and start working my fat-ass out! And thank you strawberry I feel the interview went well but we'll see if I get the job eh ;) x

CELLO guys

I am a fat fatty fat ass.

I am huge.

I am gaining at the speed of light.

There is no musical pun in this post despite the title  "cello" is just how i say hi!

I feel myself slipping back into a depression which is taking over my whole life...
I had my Harrods store approval today and all throughout being interviewed by the daintiest most glamorous little blonde I just kept looking at her size 6 frame (us 2) I couldn't help but think how much she must be judging me. Before I even opened my mouth I wondered if she decided based on my size that I wasn't a right fit, not quite like the beautiful model-esque image the world famous Harrods wanted to portray. I looked impeccable, my hair was lush and flawless my make up infallible and I know underneath the fat I am a pretty gurrl ;) so I guess we'll just have to see. I really REALLY don't want my fat holding me back anymore.

On that note have I been dieting?
NO
Have I been working out?
NO
Have I been losing weight??

FUCK NO!!

It's gotten to the point where I just dont know what to do... spent 5 minutes looking at the special k diet and it just seems pointless. I think I need to try the ABC diet or perhaps splurge diet again. Worst thing is way back when I actually got down to about 167 pounds on the ABC sooo pissed

Got to go shopping for my lover now, post again later.
Love Love
xxx

Day 3

Day 3: 2.4 / 14 pounds lost

Ok so quick run through with today... Intake was defo over a thousand calories but I'm not sure how much by I had no breakfast, 558 cals from a sandwich and crisps at lunch and then for dinner a chicken n sweet corn soup with lots of chilli in it and one crispy pancake roll. I should in shame- the scales read 205.6 this morn which I felt after drinking the night before might just be a fluke due to dehydration. I really don't want the scale going anywhere near 207 again as I will go into flight mode. Tomorrow I will kicking my ass with exercise even though I'm suffering from some real fatigue, dieting alone is just not cutting it.

Total Intake

Breakfast - 143 cals from porridge and honey, sarspirilla drink
Lunch - 563 cals from a ham and cheese sandwhich, packet of wotsits
Snack 235 cals from a pain au chocolat

(BAD MISTAKE LOL)

oh well total thus far is 941cals!!

i've decided for dinner I am going to have that boiled egg salad with a tiny bit of extra light salad dressing and extra celery. It'll be about 110 cals so hopefully a total of 1051 cals -pretty darn decent!

But oh dear I got a phone call from my friend to kindly remind me that I agreed to go to a club which plays house music tonight. So I guess a lot of dancing and jumping up and down which is good.. not so good is the numerous shots of sambucca and vodka i'll be knocking back at £1.50 a pop.

So yeah . . . we'll see how it goes, i'll check back in with  you tomorrow.

@Camille - thanks so much for your comment, 7 pounds in a week would make me ECSTATIC well done you! was just wondering what sort of supplements you take, at the moment I just take biotin vitamins which help with your skin hair and nails.

Interview

Went really really well methinks but for once in my life I can't tell whether I got it or not :( I probably gave the best answers - the most intelligent and experience-filled answers in any case. Interviews are just one of those things that I'm great at I ordinarily get the job unless one dastardly thing.... I DON'T FIT THE LOOK... Which means YOU'RE NOT THIN ENOUGH. how do I know? Because I'm actually quite pretty and although I'm black I'm told this by all cultures and also that I have a beautiful dazzling smile. The woman interviewing was really nice but I couldn't help feeling like although I was like the second prettiest girl I was also the largest. I hate being a disgusting uk size 16 (US 10) it's now impossible to hide it *cries*

Day Two

Day 2: 0.8 / 14 pounds lost

I've gone down slightly on the scales which is good for me, almost a pound in one day - i'll take it! I had a wonderful day yesterday food wise, for dinner I had a beautiful salad which was basically a ton of lettuce, celery, cucumber, chicken pieces and diced left-over roast potato HA! I ate til I burst and then shoved down a couple litres of water so really slept well.

I woke up today feeling great, I had no headache no groggy feeling or overly dry mouth. Just woke up - and got up. This is shocking new stuff for me, I know I should drink a lot more water than I have done these past few years because regardless of wanting weightloss it's just so good for you, and I really want to get back to a very healthy me.

Plan for today- I've already had my first glass of water, I'm currently eating a small bowl of porridge with honey- no more than about 120 cals worth. I'm drinking another large glass of water and also 20ml of sarspirilla- my favourite dilute drink- which I mix my slimming bomb pills in with. That's about 23 calories - it's really strong so you only need a little. For lunch I will be having a small salad with a boiled egg. I'm not currently counting any vegetables as calories, I will count fruit though as they can sometimes be quite sugar-y or carb-y albeit natural. So for dinner I will be having my cabbage soup which I will prepare in an hour or so. It looks a little like this...

The recipe is basically onions, spring/salad onions, bell peppers, chopped tomatoes, carrots, celery, mushrooms and of course- lots of cabbage. You can add seasonings and spices to suit your taste but absolutely NO SALT.

Anyhu!! I have a job interview today which is a group assessment thingy for VICTORIA SECRETS!!!! I have been jobless a whole month because I walked out on my last position because I hated it so much. It was an awful place, a terrible admin job, the customers were horrendous as well. So the idea that I might get thejob in this beautiful gorgeous smelling lingerie filled company known for the sexiest models in the world. . . . . . ahhh *I DIE*

Please wish me luck!! i've been rambling I know but i'll probably post again to let y'all know... Love yeee xxxx

 The Victoria Secret's Angels!!

Adriana Lima

Alessandra Ambrio

Miranda Kerr

Doutzen Kroes

Candice Swanepol

Lindsay Ellingson

Erin Heatherton

Chanel Iman

Behatti Prinsloo

Lily Aldridge

xx

Day One

STARTING WEIGHT: 208 pounds   Day 1:  0/14 pounds Lost

I have now officially started my EAT LESS diet. I will be loosely following the cabbage soup diet - only in that i'll be eating a lot of cabbage soup lol- and minimising carbs sugars and fats throughout the day. I will be keeping hopefully quite strictly to a roughly 1000cal a day limit on days (like to day) where i have done little exercise and make sure it mostly consists of fresh fruit and veg and lean protein.

So I am starting today as day ONE because this weekend was ridiculous!! Boyfriend's birthday yesterday translated into heavy drinking an waffles (?) on saturday and cinema popcorn and TGI Fridays for dinner yesterday. So yeah RIDICULOUS.

Ok so fresh start, and for once in my life I have told another person - namely my boyfriend about my diet so NO excuses. I've asked him to physically restrain me if he catches me reaching for hagendaz ice cream.

Intake thus far, not very nutritional to be honest, sorta empty calories but at least not to much. In the morning I had my practical driving test at 8 am (which I failed HA) and so ate about 90 cals worth of oatmeal and honey. I came back and ate 6 biscuits at 70 cals each :'( and drank a cup of tea with a splash of milk and on sugar for 23 cals. Total thus intake far- 533 for no reason WAAAAAAH

Its fine though because for dinner I will be making the boy toy a gooey cheese filled pasta bake and eating NONE OF IT and I myself will be chomping down on some awesome grilled chicken salad - no dressing of course. I'll try to post a pic! so for sure I'll be under 1000 cals and hopefully see a pound drop of tomorrow.

My short term goal is to drop 14 pounds aka a stone as quick as possible and see how many days it takes. My target goal weights remain the same - you can see them here - but to be honest I have been cheeky enough to buy myself all the rewards despite having not met them (!) excluding the jewellery and tattoos so i'll have to think of something else. Wish me luck guys, and thanks for reading, I know there haven't been as many comments but I see new followers which makes me feel great and gives me the motivation to do this, post regularly and be accountable to you guys.

Off to make dinner love ye!

xxx

Guess What

I am not STILL fat, I am now MORE fatter than should be scientifically possible. I have today reached my highest ever goddamn weight and I am MORTIFIED.

208 pounds

14.9 stone

94.3 kilos

I'm disgusting

I'm disgusting

I'm disgusting

I knew I was disgusting, I knew I was getting ridiculously fat and I knew my clothes just did not fit me anymore. I had no idea that was because I had packed on 20 something disgusting little pounds since I last dawned on blogger.

What happened?? 

I have to say I think love happened. I've been swept up in a whirlwind of amor, and met the man of my dreams - to be honest I met him 6 years ago (long story) - and I believe we will get married because he is crazy awesome and n absolute perfect match for me... BUT he thinks i'm incredible, beautiful, bodacious etc etc he has led me down an awful path of self confidence in the face of damning evidence that serves only to prove how huge I am. I feel too fat, not just overweight but now by bmi standards overly obese. My bmi is 34 for fucks sake!! 34 i've never been so overwhelmed by the sight of such numbers on the scales.

My figures for this week so far are:

sunday 20th - 207.8

monday 21st - 206.8

tuesday 22nd - 205.7

wednesday 23rd - 206.6

thursday 24th - 208

Unfortunately my life has been so up and down, and I am now trying to make it in the retail industry- a harsh bitch to work for. I must Must MUST lose this gross weight. I have a string of interviews for really prestigious companies and i'm so professional, educated, and well experienced in saying the right thing to get the job (tooting my own horn I know) that when I don't get it I know Know KNOW that it is because of my weight. It's very bad to be noticeably bigger than a size 12 trying to get into the retail industry and I need a job STAT so yeah, weight loss has actually become integral to my success.

What Next?

I am going to race back down to my first goal weight of 179 pounds which will push me back into 'overweight' territory with a bmi of 29. So yes I am flabbergasted to even say I need to lose an awful 29 pounds just to get back to where I was MONTHS ago- but I will do it however I can.

Plan of action?

I basically have 30 pounds to lose, I will take it 10 pounds at a time until I hit that target and see how many days it takes me to drop 10pounds with each different method of weight loss. Having said that I will be keeping to the rules I previously set out on the 30day challenge so I can get in a good mode blogging each day again. Tomorrow will be day one.

My main plan for the next few days is to revert back to the cabbage soup diet and do at least 2 hours of exercise each day to include walking and my exercise dvds. So we'll see how it goes. 

And Now?

I am going to read through all of your blogs and try and comment because I know its been absolute ages! Look at some thinspo, workout, get showered and ready to go enjoy the summer sun which has FINALLY hit the UK haha. I'll probably post again later, but for now shout out to my incredible 38!! followers!! who I can't believe are still here, they offer fantastic support and inspiration through their blogs so if you're not already.... Follow them!! (sorry couldn't get links for everyone)

Bare Bones  ,    Sophia  ,   Charlie   ,   Kali   ,   HeartShapedGlasses   ,   purple_chick_undercover   ,   Eowin   ,   Angela   ,   ~Nessa~ Human   ,   M.   ,   A Girl with Tiny Intentions   ,   N.R   ,   Stillimagining   ,   Desesperee de maigrir    ,   a_beautiful mess   ,   Kitty   ,   Sam Lupin   ,   Camille   ,   Zane   ,   Courtney   ,   heavnlypi   ,   Fading Figure   ,   efflorescentwings   ,   Kelly   ,   Rio   ,   N33d 2B Sk1nnY   ,   Evie   ,   kate fisher   ,   thelifeofm   ,   kes_ana / kes   ,   ahall351   ,   fluo   ,   Mina Belle   ,   heddercruz   

Love ya

xxx

Back xXx

Back to that old life I used to have

Back to the man I used to love

Back to the determination I should have held...

I am once again 184 pounds... A huge monster

But i've found love again

The most beautiful love I ever knew

And now I have him

I never EVER want to lose him...

If i'm THIN I NEVER will

I've missed you all so much...

SOME THINSPO: